Halloween is Only Once a Year

Perusing my various online community profiles, I came across a rather entertaining, albeit morose, trend amongst fellow users. It seems as though everybody feels badgered into putting a witty quip in their status/tagline/whatever. The motivations are copious and ambivalent, but the tell is obvious to anyone with any ranks in Sense Motive (score one for me putting a Dungeons and Dragons reference in my blog!). I've deduced that there are three key factors that make people do this: the public's false perception of one's intellect, the eternal and perfunctory quest for social status, and the few who actually like to reflect their true colors in their online personae. As per my status quo, I have cut some wonderful fillets of unsolicited criticism soaked in my signature marinate of cynicism.

For those of you trying to look smarter:

You're not fooling anyone. If the vast majority of your acquaintances revere you as "that guy who puked in the fish tank after snorting Cabo Wabo," they will most likely ring up "No Sale" on your alleged knowledge of Rousseau or Descartes. And ladies, you aren't excluded from this. You having read the Cliff's Notes to Sylvia Plath's "The Bell Jar" doesn't change the fact that you have been spotted on several occasions screaming on MTV's Spring Break surrounded by Brazilian-waxed wannabe gigolos and quaffing a daiquiri out of a Big Gulp bucket.

If you want to appear to be more intelligent, your time would be best spent cracking a book or two and actually learning the esoteric meanings of the homilies and quips you post on your wall or profile. Furthermore, not everyone is supposed to be considered an intellectual. If this were the case, most television networks would tank because they'd have no one to exploit and no brainwashed audiences to manipulate. A certain degree of stupidity is good for business...

For those vying for social acceptance:

Trying to infiltrate the "in crowd" by feigning interest in their culture is a lot like shooting at a rhinoceros with a pellet gun: You can try if you want, but you'll just end up hurt and embarrassed. My best advice is to step away from World of Warcraft and go to a pub. It isn't gonna kill you, and you might even meet a girl! Then you can stop wasting time with anime vid--well, you get my drift.

For those who are true to themselves:

You guys are kosher. You guys are freakin' right on. People who know you will be able to easily identify a quote or analogy that you wield as congruent to your persona. The cold hard fact is that you are the ones that most people adore, so you are often imitated by those who respect and/or envy you. The other edge of the sword is that the incessant mimics can wear out your personality's welcome, rendering you confused and often dismayed. Don't let the posers piss on your campfire. If you catch someone overusing a signature quote, telling your stories, or otherwise assuming your persona, call them out. Ultimately, they'll respect you more for defending your individuality than if you succumb to flattery.

Stay tuned. I always find something to rant about.

Note: This post is dedicated to two very awesome people that never let anyone break their stride. Keep rockin', C and S :)